On Mixed Feelings

I have seldom encountered such a concoction of reactions as when I told my friends that I am unemployed. There were often great concern accompanied by an equal proportion of envy. It is almost like being jealous of a soaring eagle while being afraid of heights...

 
It has been some time since I last gave anyone roses. It must have been years ago when I gave Jean a bouquet at the end of her dance performance. But as out of touch as I am, the roses I saw today seemed to have petals that lack the texture and the vibrancy of colours, that were the characteristics of roses years ago. The petals were paper thin and did not have the thickness or the fullness that were the marks of elegance. Perhaps these were from India and Malaysia, not from Holland which produces slightly larger ones.

The art of buying roses might be a dying one, but romance was in the air and love was in bloom. And in such ambience, roses will be beautiful. But await the appearance of someone creative and resourceful enough to present a black tulip during Valentine's.

 
I recall a dialogue with a social worker in which I was mercilessly critical. It may be a personal bias, but I just feel that they are living a lie or at least portraying one. The general assumption or the image portrayed by social work is that it is conducive for making our society more livable, or that it helps the ones they counsel, I feel is totally unfounded.

When counselling prisoners of otherwise, often what is taught is goal setting, long term planning and assessment of pros and cons and of consequences. The clients are taught to think before acting, taught to reason and to be rational in their decision making.

And I question, what do these people know about reason or rationality when they often exhibit to know little about the world and macroeconomics? Teaching their clients to assess situations and react to situations based on institutionalized values, authorized standards of good and bad is beneficial to their clients? Maybe, since they will not commit crimes, will not go against the grain of society, will not get themselves into trouble with the authorities.

But what do they hope to change? Reproducing the culture and its supporting modes of thought and behaviour will not change the imperfect system, it will only serve to reinforce strengthen it. These people may very well be propagating the system that put their clients in their custody in the first place. But they have everything to gain; everything from a neverending supply of clients, to their their continued relevance and of course, their regular pay checks.

But sometimes, I feel that in their ignorance, or their microscopic views, they forget that our duty, first and foremost, is towards humanity, not to the state, not to the nation, and not even to the institution that feeeds you.

 
Thought of the day:

I was a productive member of the society, till I became unemployed.

 
I got this from a website:

“The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws.”
~ Tacitus

Can someone verify if Tacitus did say this? I need to find out the context as it reminds me of something or rather somewhere that is close to my heart.

I also completed Battle Mode for Fatal Frame last night, and I have unlocked SENSE function of the camera.

 
The journey was long and tough, but I finally completed Fatal Frame. It was painful, but I just realized that my journey has just begun. Battle Mode and Nightmare has just being unlocked. And it is with great reluctance that I pick up the camera once again and venture forth.

With the special ability ZOOM unlocked, I can take close up Kodak moments now.

 
On Birthday Presents

Buying a gift for a friend is but a temporary torture. Once the money is spent, the pain of wondering what to buy, who to buy, how much to spend is gone. And usually, we do not expect the receiving party to have any issues, or at least visibly display any displeasure with the gift. And between close friends, it is possible to make requests. Surprises at our age usually mean a waste of money.

I realized that the most difficult birthday present to request is a birthday card. Ask people about the weather, or soccer results or the latest handphone, and they will have tons to say. Ask them to write something meaningful or memorable on a birthday card to you and you will be faced with a blank look.

But to be frank, that is what I keep.

Till now, I still have a few unopened presents in my room. And some of them are possibly coming to ten years old. But letters and cards, I read and I keep. And l will read them again.

It is just like the letters between Pathos and I, which almost ten years old, written in chinese when he was studying in Australia. And I believe I do keep some memorable email correspondences as well. And looking at what we said and what we wrote, we remember what we were, what we neglected and the promises we made. It gets so bad that sometimes reading my own archives is like reading someone else's thoughts, reliving another life, filling us with envy.

For it always seemed easier to be the other person...

 
Power Puff Girls

If anyone still has doubts as to the Power Puff Girls being an adult cartoon, they should watch today's episode titled: Something Is A Ms. in which Sedusa, impersonated as, after kidnapping Miss Bellum, the secretary to the mayor.

Aside from the many sexual connotations like bending over to show her 2D boobs to the mayor, during the climatic ending, after plastering Bubbles and Buttercup to the wall with her hair gel, in a bid to distract Blossom, she used the old trick in the book. She reached in to her blouse, and retrieve two projectiles which she hurled at lightning speed at Blossom.

If one looked close enough, one would have saw that she actually reached inside her blouse and took out bra paddings which she threw at Blossom.

A pity such humour are lost on the kids....