There was a post in which I said that life without growth is death; stagnated existence without growth is not worth continuing. For the past few days, I have been wondering from where I derived that conclusion.

It is probably, on hindsight, a statement made out of my disappointment with the people around me. I choose my company carefully, for there were too many people that vexed me tremendously.

I know people who professed to be poor and thrifty, yet change two cars in two years. I know people who lies to everyone, including themselves. (And these people excludes the category of bosses, who are by definition, idiots)

I know primary school teachers who do not know the rough equivalent in centimetres, of an inch or a foot. And they are the ones who will shape the future of our nation.

I know christians who call themselves devout, yet know precious little about the bible. And these are the ones who are persuading me to attend church services. When I questioned them and pointed to so many instances where they have failed in duties of a christian, they resorted to their unjustified belief their omnipotent God will know that in their hearts they are devout and they will be saved, as if they can read (although some said that they can feel Him) God's mind. They obviously believe in salvation by grace, since they know precious little about salvation by deed and grace.

I told them that they will probably not be saved. And that kind of disturbed them a little. They called me prideful for putting me limited self in the place of God.

And I am arrogant.

I will judge whoever I wish to and I will judge God if it pleases me. He gave me free will and I will use it.

And I, in turn, welcome anyone to judge me.

But if they are saved, then God, in His infinite wisdom and patience, has a high tolerance for the sin of Sloth. And I might one day, finally humble myself before him.

That being said, I am still disappointed.

But I am questioning the place of growth in my life. It is now, of primary importance. I want to grow, and I am prompted to grow, in reaction to these people around me. I fear my own complacency.

I read, I write, I go to the gym, I take up classes, I am planning for my second degree, I challenge, I invite challenges just to grow. But am I doing these for love or for fear of mental, emotional and psychological death?

I live for love and passion.

But I fear, that as I grow stronger and faster, I distance myself from my loved ones. The day might come when the winds gather beneath my wings, and I need to unroot myself from the loving earth that nurtured me to fly the skies...